Sea World

We had some visitors from Iowa for Easter. My aunt Ang, uncle Bruce, cousin Jess and her son Keaton came down so we had to show them a good time. We went to Sea World and the kids had a blast. Emily really enjoyed the shows and seeing the animals. She said whoa every time Shamu came out of the water. My sister made these cute collages of the kids.

Special Delivery

It took us a few months to figure out how we could best use the money that was donated to us after Rachel passed. We always wanted it to go to Santa Rosa Children's Hospital in San Antonio but we didn't know how the best way to give the money was. We decided it would be very therapeutic for us to buy them much needed toys, giveaways, movies, and electronics. We got a wish list from the 8th floor. 7 shopping trips and over $5000 in goodies later we delivered it all to the 8th floor on March 28th. We delivered 5 netbooks, 4 big screen TVs, more toys than we could count, and lots of toys and goodies that could be given to the kids when they were having work done or for special occasions. The clinic was more than thrilled. We got to see Rachel's doctors & nurses and all of the other staff that we got to know over the 2 years she was a patient there. It felt really good to deliver all of this there. They don't get a lot of donations for the playrooms. In fact, they had run out of giveaways that week and tore open the boxes of giveaways to give to the kids the next day! The netbooks are for the patients and their parents to use while they're in the hospital. Even on outpatient days the kids usually spend hours at clinic- they need stuff to do!! As a patient there, Rachel received gifts that people would donate for holidays and special occasions. Mostly, people donate stuffed animals so we tried to donate the things that we wish they would've had for Rachel. We had to donate her favorite things. We bought her favorite movies, play doh, lipstick to giveaway, and Mr. & Mrs. potato head. Her doctor laughed when we pulled out the lipsticks because everyone knew how much Rachel loved her lipsticks! I hope that those of you who donated feel like your money made a difference. When we got to the clinic to make the delivery, we noticed that the shelves were pretty bare. I feel like there is no greater need that the clinic had. Being there that day for me felt amazing. I felt like I had truly given back to the people who helped give Rachel time. It felt like Rachel was with us that day and this is something she would've loved. :) We also delivered the rocking chairs from the Middle School and the clinic was very excited about them. Unfortunately, the pics of the delivery were on a hard drive that Emily dropped. They are gone!! I have been trying to get them off of it but it looks like it will cost at least $1500 so I think they're gone. :( The following are pictures of us shopping and boxing up the toys. It was a family event! We even took the kids to deliver it all. Emily and Callie didn't want to leave some of the toys behind!

Thank You Canyon Middle School

In honor of Rachel, the Canyon Middle School NJHS did a fundraiser to raise money to buy some rocking chairs to donate to the hospital in Rachel's name. They also surprised us with an adorable chair for Emily. The spanish teacher hand painted a little angel on it that looks amazing! Emily loves her new chair! :) We delivered the other 2 to the hospital and they were ecstatic to have them. They said that they had a new 4 month old at the clinic and the baby's mom has been asking for a rocking chair. The chairs are amazing. Thanks so much CMS!

This is the back of Emily's chair. It says "A sister is a forever friend"

Emily was pretty upset when they took her chair to put it in the car.

The chairs had plaques on them that read, "for the comfort of others donated in memory of Rachel Ann Jost by the Canyon Middle School NJHS"

Playtime

Em keeps herself very busy. She loves to make big messes for me to clean up! She has also discovered that she likes playing outside.

Helping Aunt Becky take her Bridal Portraits

We went with Michael's sister, Becky, to take her bridal portraits. Michael took some pictures with her because he'll be missing the wedding in August. Emily and I went along just to watch. Emily had a great time and we got some cute pics of her. We had to leave her inside because she kept running toward the water.

blowing a kiss bye-bye

"please can I go outside?"

Hanging by the water with GJ

Rachel's been gone 2 months today

When I look back at the past few months, I find myself wondering what the hell happened? When we got back from Houston in November, we were done and Rachel was going to get to be normal again. Now, she's been gone for 2 months. I'm still puzzled and devastated about what happened those last few months. We watched her go from feeling great and running around to not even having enough energy to stay awake. When I think about all that we've been through, the toughest part was January when she started to deteriorate rapidly. Cancer is the crappiest and most unfair way for someone to lose their life!! The memories of watching her slowly lose control of her body and life are the hardest for me to handle. I can accept that the ultimate way to heal someone is for them to pass away and be with God. I miss Rachel terribly and I will always have a whole in my heart for her but watching her suffer at the end was unbearable. I find a lot of peace and comfort in knowing that she is no longer suffering. I usually cry for her at least once daily but I also smile and talk about her more than that.

I've spent the last 2 months trying to decide what to do with her things in a way that will honor her and not turn our home into a shrine. Her clothes are going to be made into quilts. Her favorite things, and there were a lot, I'm going to keep and do special things with them. For Emily, I have a special necklace that is a heart broken in half. It has a phrase on it that says "Lord watch over me and thee while we are apart from one another". The other half was buried with Rachel. I bought myself a charm bracelet and filled it with charms of things that remind me of Rachel. I also got rings with the girls' birthstones. Michael is leaving in June for an entire year. He has been given a deployment to the UAE and he will be stationed outside of Dubai. Emily and I will be moving to New Braunfels to be closer to family. Because of the move, I'm having to go through her things sooner than I'd like. If anyone has any ideas of things that they've done or have seen done with loved ones' belongings I would love some tips!

I realize that I have failed to discuss the Rachel fund on the blog. I would like to say a really really big thank you to everyone who donated. We raised a lot more money than we could've hoped for. We have made big plans for your donations! We are doing some major shopping to donate toys, electronics, and other wants that the child life people on the 8th floor requested. The clinic became like a second home to us and it's been great therapy for us to be able to give so much stuff to them to say thank you. These toys are the best gift that we could give to the floor. Cancer kids live in the hospital and they need lots of stuff to occupy their time so these things will be so appreciated! I will post lots of pics when we make the delivery. We also are able to donate money to our relay team and a pediatric brain cancer research charity. And last but not least, we are donating a portion of the funds to a scholarship fund at UTMB in Galveston where Michael's sister went to physical therapy school. The fund is in Rachel's name and the scholarship will benefit physical therapy students who are going into pediatric therapy. Rachel's therapists meant a lot to her so this is a great way to carry on her memory. I will post more info when I do each of these things.

I really appreciate all of the support that we have been given through this difficult time. I have been struggling with figuring out what to do with my time and my life. Having a sick child was a full time job and I'm so lost without the demands of such a child. I never thought I'd miss it but I do. I'm trying to embrace my new role as just a mom to a healthy full-of-life one year old. Emily is the best baby in the world and she makes being a mother so rewarding and easy. I just love spending time with her and she has been the best therapy for me. We got season tickets to the train today and I plan on getting season tickets to the zoo and Schlitterbahn too. I figure we might as well enjoy spending all of our time together! I guess this is what having a normal kid is like. I honestly feel like I'm experiencing a lot of things for the first time with her. I guess I've carried on long enough... goodnight

Emily's First Birthday Party

On February 27th we had a birthday party for Em's big #1! She had lots of fun and got spoiled by everyone.

After party with Ashton

"I like opening presents!"

"Feed me more grandma" :)

"What do I do with this thing?"

We had a pull pinata because the kids are too little to be trusted with a large stick! It was pretty neat, they pulled on the strings until the candy came out. They loved that part!

Hanging with Sony

Craig

Nate

Drew

Playing Washers

I worked hours on this cake. It's not professional looking at all but I was pretty proud of it.

She got a new trampoline to play on outside from us for her birthday. She loves it. :)